Back to work

My day started at 2am roughly. Jolynn was half crying, half talking. After getting up every 5-10 min, I decided to just get up. That was about 3am. I fed her, then got today's milk thawed and divided, then pumped. Since she got up earlier than her usual 4am, I was able to catch up on Facebook and blogs. It is now 4:30am. Time to take a shower and get myself ready for work.

I was dressed and ready by 5am. Jolynn started to cry again. Changed her diaper, rocked a little and back to sleep she went. Only to wake up again at 5:30am. I really hope she can get a handle on the gas issue soon. If it is what I am eating, we are in trouble for today (which she hasn't started eating yet) - chili, dips with carrots, green peppers and cucumber, Reese's PB cups, and pickle ham roll-ups. I don't dare go back to sleep because she will just wake up again as soon as I start to get comfortable. Then I feel like I had less sleep than if I were to just stay awake relaxing watching the news.

Jon was nice enough to take her 7am feeding so I could pump one last time. Only thing left to do is pack up her food for today. I really hope I make it through the whole day without crashing.

I dropped off Jolynn at 7:30am. Went over how I had the bottles measured out. Mary pretty much said she had everything covered and shooed me out the door. She said I was welcome to call if I felt like it. As much as I wanted to know how she was doing I didn't want to hear that she had crying fits or wasn't adjusting well. So I didn't call.

Work went well. Lots of people welcoming me back and saying I was missed. A few schools called and didn't even say anything about the fact that I hadn't answered my phone or returned emails in 3 months. Just went on with their questions as if I had never been gone. I dove right in with a project from Matt for composites. It was nice to be kept busy so I didn't think about Jolynn as much. I pumped twice at work, which was a little awkward walking out of the server room with my containers of breast milk. I brought two pictures of Jolynn with me. Everyone expected me to have my cube covered in them.

Jon got off early so he picked up Jolynn. Mary said she was really good and got a lot of attention from the other kids because she was so little. All the kids were in awe of "the little baby". Jon said she was very stimulated today-slept once and then took a 45 min nap close to the end of the day before being picked up. Hopefully she will sleep for a long time tonight.

I would just like to mention how much Jon has taken on for my first day at work.
1. He picked up Jolynn (so I could then go to the grocery store and take care of my Gym membership -that's another story)
2. He was feeding her when I got home.
3. He picked up the living room and stairs and vacuumed both.
4. He just took Jolynn downstairs to her swing.

Time for Momma to relax and recharge for another day.

Popcorn

Jolynn was upset when she was in her swing so we went upstairs. For some reason I smelled buttered popcorn. When Jon got home he was holding Jolynn and asked why she smelled like popcorn. I looked back at what I ate that day - no popcorn was consumed. Jon started feeding her and she stopped taking it in, so we went to change her (this wakes her up or reminds her that she is still hungry). When I unzipped her nightgown I found poop all the way up to her belly button. Guess who got a bath.

Aldi vs. Cub

I went to Cub a while back because I needed some items that Aldi would not have. Instead of going to Target and Aldi I decided to one-stop-shop and just go to Cub. BAD IDEA! My bill ended up being $101.23; granted there were many items that I would not have been able to get from Aldi. I was still surprised by the things I was able to get from both places and were much more expensive. Of that $101 bill, the quantity of items was only 33. I went to Aldi the other day and purchased some of the same items plus other things = quantity of items at 42. The bill was only $67. NEED I SAY MORE?!

My Morning

My typical day now that I am a mommy.
Anywhere between 3am and 5am there is a feeding. This is the last feeding before I would need to be out the door for work. I have started a regime.
1. Boil water in electric kettle to thaw days worth of milk.
2. feed Jolynn
3. pump
4. measure out individual containers for each feeding
5. bag up pumped milk from day before for freezing
6. wash all the bottles
7. eat breakfast
8. take a shower
9. get myself ready
10. get diaper bag packed
11. get Jolynn ready (depending on how long everything else took-may be time for a feeding again)

Mornings aren't too bad because she is still sleepy that I can get stuff done. During the day she is awake longer. Feeding and then staying awake for 1-2 hours, then sleeping for only 1-2 hours before wanting to be fed again. I'm hoping that she starts to drink more and less often soon.

SAHM vs WORK

It was a very rough day. Jon and I decided we cannot stay out past 7pm from now on. Even if Jolynn is able to sleep wherever we are, we cannot. Staying up all night is not in our future anymore. Last night we got home late, Jolynn got up around 1am. Normally she sleeps for almost 4 hours at a time. Not last night. 2 hours here and 2 hours there. Fed her at 6am, then Jon left for work. It's like she knows when he leaves because she wakes up 15 min later. At 7:30 she was awake and screaming. Sometimes I am able to bring her into our bed and she sleeps for another 2 hours. Not this time. She stayed awake for the rest of the day. She would sleep for a couple hours and then be up again. I tried everything - feeding, changing, burping, the swing, rocking chair, massaging her tummy, moving her legs into her chest, Gripe Water and Mylicon, I even took her temp to rule out sickness. Nothing was working. She just kept screaming. I could at least tell that it was the "I'm in pain" cry. It happens often with her gas build up. Usually it goes away after a feeding.

At this point I was at my breaking point. I had to leave her in her room with the door shut. Then I cried. I couldn't stand listening to her cry so I went back in. I should have stayed out. Holding her didn't make a difference (usually this soothes her); however, if I cried, she didn't. Go figure. I don't know how SAHMs do it. I just can't do this 24 hours 7 days a week. I would truly go insane. By the time Jon got home I was so ready to go back to work.

Jon got home at 4pm. It was time for another feeding, so we tried everything again. She cried again until it was time for another feeding at 7:30. Instead of trying to lay her down in her crib, this time I said I would just hold her until she fell asleep. By 8:30 she was out cold. I was afraid to move. She looked so peaceful (finally). She let out a couple good farts, so I knew something was working.

I love Jolynn. She is so precious and peaceful when she is feeling well. Getting to that point has been the challenge. With me breaking after a day of this, I also hope that Jon will be able to handle the stress when I go back to work. After a few hours when he was home, he sounded just like me. She doesn't know what shut up means, it only makes US feel better. She still cries. I have never known myself to have depression, but after today I wonder if I do. Was my crying just my way of releasing the stress? Should I be worried that this is going to develop into something worse? I don't have any genuine thoughts of hurting my child or myself. Sure, I screamed at her and in another room, I cried in another room and while holding her. At the same time, this evening I was so happy to get her to sleep (and fart) that I didn't want to put her in her crib. I could have stayed where I was until she woke for her next feeding.

Here's hoping that tomorrow brings a better day. Couldn't get worse than crying all day...could it?

Hospital Bill

just got the bill from Maple Grove Hospital - so glad we have good insurance. $1480/day for the NICU, $2791 total for labs, $1567 for IV solutions, $792 for supplies. Total bill=$14,032. They applied an uninsured patient discount for $8840, bringing our total down to $5191. Jon says once Jolynn is on his insurance we will get a new bill that will be drastically less. Can't imagine what other parents do that have preemies in for months. Jolynn was only in for 6 days.

Daytime TV

Being home this past week and now alone on a Sunday, I have realized why I enjoy working. There is NOTHING on TV during the day. Infomercials, soap operas, sporting events, religious programs. Probably doesn't help that we only have basic channels. I found myself watching WWE Superstars while pumping this morning. Sad. Really Sad.