It was a very rough day. Jon and I decided we cannot stay out past 7pm from now on. Even if Jolynn is able to sleep wherever we are, we cannot. Staying up all night is not in our future anymore. Last night we got home late, Jolynn got up around 1am. Normally she sleeps for almost 4 hours at a time. Not last night. 2 hours here and 2 hours there. Fed her at 6am, then Jon left for work. It's like she knows when he leaves because she wakes up 15 min later. At 7:30 she was awake and screaming. Sometimes I am able to bring her into our bed and she sleeps for another 2 hours. Not this time. She stayed awake for the rest of the day. She would sleep for a couple hours and then be up again. I tried everything - feeding, changing, burping, the swing, rocking chair, massaging her tummy, moving her legs into her chest, Gripe Water and Mylicon, I even took her temp to rule out sickness. Nothing was working. She just kept screaming. I could at least tell that it was the "I'm in pain" cry. It happens often with her gas build up. Usually it goes away after a feeding.
At this point I was at my breaking point. I had to leave her in her room with the door shut. Then I cried. I couldn't stand listening to her cry so I went back in. I should have stayed out. Holding her didn't make a difference (usually this soothes her); however, if I cried, she didn't. Go figure. I don't know how SAHMs do it. I just can't do this 24 hours 7 days a week. I would truly go insane. By the time Jon got home I was so ready to go back to work.
Jon got home at 4pm. It was time for another feeding, so we tried everything again. She cried again until it was time for another feeding at 7:30. Instead of trying to lay her down in her crib, this time I said I would just hold her until she fell asleep. By 8:30 she was out cold. I was afraid to move. She looked so peaceful (finally). She let out a couple good farts, so I knew something was working.
I love Jolynn. She is so precious and peaceful when she is feeling well. Getting to that point has been the challenge. With me breaking after a day of this, I also hope that Jon will be able to handle the stress when I go back to work. After a few hours when he was home, he sounded just like me. She doesn't know what shut up means, it only makes US feel better. She still cries. I have never known myself to have depression, but after today I wonder if I do. Was my crying just my way of releasing the stress? Should I be worried that this is going to develop into something worse? I don't have any genuine thoughts of hurting my child or myself. Sure, I screamed at her and in another room, I cried in another room and while holding her. At the same time, this evening I was so happy to get her to sleep (and fart) that I didn't want to put her in her crib. I could have stayed where I was until she woke for her next feeding.
Here's hoping that tomorrow brings a better day. Couldn't get worse than crying all day...could it?
3 comments:
I'm not a mom, but I'm pretty sure you're doing perfectly. Jolynn is growing and thriving, and you go to lengths to make sure she's ok. Every mom I know has set their baby down and walked away to collect themselves. And every mom I know has cried out of sheer exhaustion and frustration. It's healthy for you (and her!) to walk away!! Your doing great, new mom! And any mom I know would say the same!!
I just had my fourth grandchild two weeks ago. My new-mom daughter had a video called "The Happiest Baby on the Block." Can't find the video to tell you the doctor's name. It is not gimmicky, there is nothing to buy or being promoted. He just discuses the calming techniques that truly work for a young infant. The doctor advocates the 5 S's for a fussy baby who is otherwise well-fed, diapered, etc. It has worked pretty phenomenally for her. Check it out.
Carole
Carole
They showed that video at our birthing class. The 5 S's do work. My husband is very good at all of them. Swaddling I have trouble with because she always gets her arms out. The Shushing just makes me laugh and I feel the video does it too loud in their ear. As silly as the video is, the techniques really do work.
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